Bikinis. No, it’s not what one might think of “men talking” and “bikinis.” We had a vigorous, thoughtful conversation. Enough to make the point: Even good people of faith are confused about where the lines are (more puns to follow). Here is my hot take. After reading, I warmly welcome your's (comment below).
It’s interesting to note the explosive origin of the bikini. In 1946 Parisian Louis Réard named his swimsuit design after Bikini Atoll, where testing of the atomic bomb was taking place. The atom and sexuality. Time would further validate the similarities: Great destructive power comes from misuse of a great constructive power.
To the heart of this conversation. Does anyone doubt that body exposure has something to do with sexual arousal? If not, you have a lot of explaining to do for the human race. If it didn't exist, neither would you. (Even the most secular advertising and media titans get this. Why don't we?) If yes, you’re admitting great power of the body even in exposure.
Sexuality is a God-given, superhero power. No need in citing: “With great power comes great responsibility.”
Fathers, let’s keep it real. Recall what it was like to be a testosterone-charged teenager. Regardless of how many Rosaries you may have prayed. Or scripture versus you may have memorized. Or awesome Christian events you may have attended.
Seriously. Remember being with your buddies at the pool or beach. What and whom stood out? Why? Was it their personality? Their inner life? Their hopes and dreams? Ok, now fast forward. Testosterone-charged male teendom hasn’t changed. But you’re now a husband and father. If dressed immodestly, on display before the ogling masses are those "objects" - known meaningfully to you now as daughter, or wife.
There need not be any physical contact. The potentiality for violation is just the same. Just as in the Garden, it begins with something “pleasing to the eyes.” (Gen. 3:6) The most potent sex organ is the mind and its capacity for imagination. With the capacity for instant replay at any time. If sexuality didn’t have anything to do with the mind and imagination, matters "spiritual," sex would be just about bodies. Any bodies. Anybody.
Women, this is about preserving your dignity as somebody. So you’re not just hearing this from a curmudgeonly old man, please take just three minutes and view this video from Jackie Francois.
Ladies, you can’t just dismiss how you dress by saying, “I dress the way I want. It's about comfort! How they’re affected is their problem.” That’s thumbing your nose at God who purposefully designed us to be effected, and your body to affect. Your disregard of your body’s power to affect is not simply exploitation of us, and His wiring of us, but of Him (with due, very important note of our responsibility to rightly form our spiritual vision and consciences, a life-long pursuit to be sure! Romans 12:1-2).
We have three beautiful daughters. And now, a grand daughter! They can never know how much their dad and grandpa adores them. Knows their unsurpassed, God-designed beauty. Desires them to live a rich life of virtue. To be seen the way God sees them. Body and soul. Not by fleeting cultural standards, but by God's standard.
When they were younger, I was delighted they'd come to me for the modesty check. From day one we've prayed fervently for the purity of their prospective spouses. That they be men of honor. Committed to protecting and affirming their femininity which is so under assault. We are so blessed our eldest daughter married a man who is an answer to this prayer. (Yes, we've sought to foster the same honor among our three sons with regard to women; we anticipate a new daughter-in-law and are so blessed by their God-pursuit!)
I'm aware we’re in the minority. We're cultural oddballs. We're dated. Old fashioned. Unrealistic. But all these sidetrack the one big question: What is God's perspective? Which is directly related to: What will result in the best life for them? How is the objective goodness of God's perspective validated in human experience? Do your own research: Compare the health of people who honor God's law and those who do not (e.g., do your own search on health of those who are promiscuous, versus a faithful, married couple).
While the incidence of pornography among women is tragically growing (a good article), it has predominantly been a male issue, and one which is having catastrophic consequences. If you really understood how God designed a man, if you read the research as to what happens in a man’s brain, you’d see that immodest dress and porn are the same bad fruit.
You know the thing with frogs. Drop the little guy in boiling water and he jumps out. Put him in cold water and heat it up slowly, he fries.
Look back over the past 60+ years and this is our story. We didn't start with those age 11-17 as the largest group of porn consumers. The 6% rate of premarital sex among women (1900) didn't just jump to 75% overnight (today).
If rejecting the catastrophic consequences makes us “the crazy ones,” call me crazy.
Consider the story of the Pied Piper. In the grand scheme of things each of us is following a kind of "sound" that guides our lives. Have we stopped to consider: (1) Where is that sound coming from?, and (2) Where is it leading?
What follows is a pretty hard hitting truth: Satan invites us to join him through a door labeled "It's no big deal" or "It's normal'" or "Everyone else is doing it" or “It’s not as bad as ‘so-and-so.’”
At Fatima the Blessed Mother said that certain styles of dress would come about that would grieve the heart of God. She also said more people were going to hell for sins of the flesh than for any other sin.
I know, to modern ears this sounds so “over the top.” Severe. But again, is it true? Is there a hell? Yes. Can people go there? Yes. Ought we be concerned? Yes.
If a doctor doesn’t pull punches in advising someone on what is required to save their physical life, why should we with regard to eternal life?
God looks down and sees the masses following the Pied Piper. He sees us falling off a cliff. He sees the suffering. He loves us. He wants us to know truth. Truth is not something we create, but Someone Who created us. God wants for us so much more than moments of fleeting intensity, but a life of real intimacy.
Young women, you don’t want counterfeit love. You want “real-deal” love. You want a husband who truly loves, cherishes, protects, honors, and respects you for how God has beautifully made you. Know that such men are most attracted to women who know this, their true beauty. Who know they are not objects. Who know their unsurpassed value as daughters of God. Who exude the confidence and grace of the Blessed Virgin Mary. Who will not settle.
The Catechism says this:
Modesty protects the mystery of persons and their love. It encourages patience and moderation in loving relationships; it requires that the conditions for the definitive giving and commitment of man and woman to one another be fulfilled. Modesty is decency. It inspires one's choice of clothing. It keeps silence or reserve where there is evident risk of unhealthy curiosity. It is discreet (CCC 2522).
For those of you still on the sidelines in considering how you dress, if not a major wardrobe overhaul (including yoga pants, anything else tight, anything showing cracks and cleavage), please consider this: If no one is willing to aspire to live true beauty, this culture will be without its example. Consider being the influence. Be a thermostat, not a thermometer.
Of course, these are high ideals. They merit our greater understanding and full pursuit. But we who are graced to know and hold them need to do so with real humility, understanding, compassion and mercy. It’s not just about principles. We need to have God's heart for real people. We need to engage the world not with self-righteous judgment, but with mercy and love. With a real awareness of our own real distance and earnest desire to grow together in holiness.
