DEAR PARENTS,
Let's boldly consider an incontrovertible fact: The portrait of present and future generations is being painted by the brush in our hands.
If your child's human and eternal success matters, if you recognize the cultural default is not getting it done, if you have the audacity to embrace your appointing and anointing as a parent, if you desire and need a vibrant context of support and accountability, here's a game-changer: Radically manage digital consumption. For children under age 14, prohibit personal digital ownership. And make use extremely rare.
Catherine Price summarizes the mountain of data:
"[I]f you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, if you wanted to create a society of people who were personally distracted, isolated, and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories and damage our capacity for focus and deep thought, if you wanted to reduce empathy, encourage self-absorption, and redraw the lines of social etiquette, you'd likely end up with a smartphone." ("How to Break Up With Your Phone," p. 53)
Having read that, I know how our Enemy works. I know what happens. Something rather nefarious makes its way into our brains, whispering things like, "Your kids are the exception!" and "Come on, it's really no big deal!" and "Your kids are not as bad as them!"
And for the honest and boldest among us, we're hearing things like: "It's too far gone. The pressure is too strong. You don't want to rock the boat! You have enough going on! They just want you to be their buddy! It's the real world we live in... they have to learn to manage it without you!"
Before throwing in the towel on your irreplaceable appointing and anointing as a parent, please ask yourself: Would it be different if they were messing with chemicals? Exhibiting ever-greater dependency?
The unanimous verdict of neurologists: That's exactly what unmanaged device use is doing. Releasing chemicals in our brains. Demanding ever greater use to give us the same high. Robbing us of freedom. Joy. Intimacy. Creativity. Life.
If you doubt this is happening to your children, if you're honest enough to test the possibility, please just do this one thing: Propose to your children that you're taking away their devices. Follow through for a week. Even a day. (Yes, commit to major curbs for yourself.) Note the push back. Likely, a seismic reaction. Mushroom clouds. All proclaiming the level of addiction. Captivity.
All suggesting an opportunity for something so much greater.
So, let's keep it real. Whether we choose to engage or not, this is a battle. Like it or not, we're in it. There are already consequences. And there will be more if we don't engage now.
Engage in the battle because we, the parents, are deeply interested in the conclusive findings of scientific, social, psychological and developmental studies.
Engage in the battle because we, the parents, are entrusted to halt the brain-numbing, soul-crippling, relationship-robbing, emotion-skewing zombification.
Engage in the battle because we, the parents, are appointed and anointed to forge in them vision and virtue that will open their horizons of imagination, creativity, critical thinking, contemplation, and meaningful connection.
Engage in the battle because we, and we alone, are the parents. Not their friends. Not YouTube. Not Instagram. Not Snapchat. Not Apple. Not Fortnite. Not the Mandalorian. Not Billie Eilish....
Ok, emotional honesty. I get it. The very consideration may still loom before you. A tower of fear. Unseen voices taunting you. Preying upon your inadequacy. Awkwardness. Insecurity. Indifference. Again, which of us likes adversity? Confrontation? Which of us wants to go against the flow?
Before cowering before something so much smaller than us, here's an important consideration: We're not talking about deprivation. We're not talking about "just saying no." We're not talking about starving a good, God-given appetite. We're talking about redirecting the appetite to its proper end. To what will truly nourish. Breathe new life.
And we're talking about taking small, manageable steps. Together. We're talking about, a year from now, looking back with amazement. And many years from now, receiving deep respect, gratitude, and adulation from our children, their spouses, and your grandchildren.
It can't be understated. What we're embarking upon is the opportunity to change the course of history.
What might that look like?
In our home, when our six children were younger, that meant not simply having instruments around, but playing them.
Not simply having good books around, but reading them.
Not simply having paper and crayons or markers around, but sitting down and coloring with them.
Not simply having a yard, or park, but going out and playing with them.
Not simply believing a personal, relational God exists, but constantly forging a culture of ever-deepening encounter with Him. Through innumerable planned and spontaneous moments a day.
For anyone who has truly encountered God, who truly loves Him, this is not a task. It is a natural, lively, pervasive desire. No different from eagerly desiring to spend time with that family member or friend we deeply enjoy and love. Is there any greater desire we could have for our children than to have this relationship with God? Any greater purpose? If we're not fostering this now, what hope will they have?
One thing's for sure: If we don't foster this relationship with Jesus Christ, their souls will be forever pining for artificial replacements.
Back to our story. As our children got older, in addition to greater growth in everything above, it meant subscribing to content like the Wall Street Journal, the National Catholic Register, frequent trips to the library fostering and feeding intellectual curiosity. It meant constantly asking questions and discussing relevant issues of the day. Faith. Politics. Culture. Science. Morality. Conveying that this landscape is not something we've created, but Someone who's created us.
In our home, it meant ennobling their voices. Creativity. Imagination. Critical thinking. Giving them platforms beyond our family dinner table to stretch their wings. That included video productions (eg). Speaking at events (eg). Composing and performing music (eg). Giving testimony on the radio (eg). Writing articles and blogs (eg).
It meant encouraging them to recognize their own, deepest appetites are shared by all their peers. Giving them the motive to find or create ways of seeking fulfillment together. As one example, our eldest boys initiated a weekly "Live IT (LIT) Group" (story) for their peers, at times including 50 or more participants. It was an occasion of real encounter, transformation, and ongoing growth many today still speak of as game-changing.
So, while the verdict of our very imperfect parenting will not be known until they meet their Maker (nor end until that day!), as we look around we see a multitude of amazing parents who share with us a deep desire to forge our children for fully human excellence. So we created a movement to do it. Together. And we're so blessed by the testimony of all who've been fully engaged: It's happening.
Find out more and join us. Get started at ILoveMyFamily.us.
And if you're really interested in seeking and receiving all God desires for you and your family, being united with others on the journey, please private message me about our seven-week "Mission One" series for married couples. (alive@massimpact.us)
"The future of humanity passes by way of the family."
~ Pope St. John Paul II
